Strong women
Who's the quintessential country housewife today?
I really do not like this distinction between "country” and "city” women. There are no country or city women. We are all Polish women.
When I came to the Gospodyni magazine, in my first editorial I wrote that I did not want us to be divided into those from the countryside and those from the city. Administrative divisions should not result in further subdivisions. This is particularly true for women. First, we are being divided into city and country women, then further into commune and county women. And yet no one talks about commune, county, or provincial men.
Then these divisions multiply: blond-haired and dark-haired women, fat and thin, pretty and ugly, etc.
Despite 51% of Polish society being women, regardless of what they look like and where they live; women are still treated as if they don’t make up the foundations of society.
However, it is impossible not to notice that women in the countryside are struggling with problems arising from their place of residence, e.g. less access to healthcare.
Of course, but this is a result of systemic negligence concerning the Polish countryside. That is why women living in the countryside have less access to healthcare, culture, education, transport, nurseries, and kindergartens; although the last one is also a problematic issue for city women. Public kindergartens in the city also fail to meet the demand and private kindergartens can cost as much as PLN 1,800 per month.
I advocate the idea of not dividing women into country and city women because this division is only ever needed by politicians. There should be a single policy for women and it should be created by women. When I looked at what the political parties offer women, there is little there for us in these programmes. In fact, our role is reduced to procreation and the rest of the problems are to be handled by us, like strongwomen.
Women are needed in politics, but only if they are divided. This makes it easier to seek voters and gather greater support – to address something at one group and not to the other. Some women are called better, some worse. For example, natural born mothers are praised compared to degenerate ones, etc.
What policies are addressed only at some women? What do you mean?
There's a multitude of examples. For instance, the introduction of the Rural Housewives’ Associations Act in 2018. Women in the city cannot benefit from subsidies to form a housewives' association. In addition, the countryside was divided into associations that operated within the framework of Agricultural Associations and Organisations, and those that were established under the rule of Law and Justice party (Prawo i Sprawiedliwość, PiS) in 2018, effectively divides the inhabitants of rural areas.
Of course, this initiative is right, granting the legal personality to associations gives them an opportunity to apply for grants and write projects; but the sum they receive for annual functioning is nominal – PLN 3,000. Lots of associations do not have a clubroom or access to a community room or back room. What are they supposed to do with the money? The law was introduced on November 28th, 2018, on the centenary of women's voting rights, but it was not made for all women.
After all, the Rural Housewives’ Associations have existed since the end of the 19th century, the socialist and activist Filipina Płaskowicka founded the first association in 1877. There was a Rural Housewives' Society 50 years earlier in Pomerania, so women have been in associations within the countryside for a really long time. There are now more than 20,000 associations in Poland, with nearly one million members. The members are very conscious and empowered women. And very politically diverse. For years, they have been catering facilities for the feasts and banquets held by village mayors. What were these ladies doing back then? Making dumplings, for example. In fact, they were constantly working in the kitchen. When competitions were organized for rural women, the prize were mixers or household appliances. They did not want it, so they protested.
How is it today?
Women from Rural Housewives’ Associations are not only interested in cooking. In Opole region, for example, I met very interesting ladies who said that they did not want to win mixers, pressure cookers, or toasters in competitions. They prefer cash prizes: PLN 5,000 for the first place, PLN 3,000 for the second place and PLN 2,000 for the third place; because they know what they need. And these are not necessarily cooking pots or juicers. I asked them: “What did you do with that money?” They answered: “Our Rural Housewives’ Association has simply taken a holiday trip. Because we work hard every day.” Because they have a job at home, a job at the farm, and some of them still work outside of the home too. They also told me: “We've had enough of these frying pans and mixers and being reduced to the kitchen.”.
Because they are constantly put down or patronized, since they are housewives, they dream of nothing more than preparing a good dinner and having a clean house.
Women in the countryside started to join associations not only to share recipes or cultivate traditions. They needed to get out of the house. I know what I'm saying, I'm from a former state-owned farming village in Warmia myself. But the village does not look the same anymore. Its structure has been changing greatly. After all, the number of inhabitants is growing and Polish villages located near large cities are becoming dormitories for women who are not farmers and have other jobs: they are lawyers, doctors, lecturers. Today, these women need integration.
I had such a meeting in Cisie near Warsaw. There was no mention of age, place of birth or who was a local or a newcomer. All that mattered was competence. Bogusia had been a school bookkeeper? Then she will keep the books of the association. That is what it is all about. Women make their children join the association, daughters and sons alike. And their husbands too. They do not cook at all, but they said that their most important role now is to educate people how to properly sort waste. They worked it out together because they are worried about climate change, about air pollution. They are worried about their children. So they integrate regardless of differences and work together. And people reckon with them.
It used to be the mayor, and now it is the Rural Housewives’ Associations that matter.
They used to say that a woman cannot become a village head because she does not have the hard skills of a man.
And, fortunately, that has changed a lot! The village head mayor used to be a ‘master’, the village manager. But when it came to difficult topics, when we entered the European Union, when it was possible to obtain subsidies, it turned out that only women could do it. As you had to go from one office to another, focus on your applications, get some training, and suddenly it turned out to be a field for women. The European Union has only the face of a woman. Women were the ones who would go to agricultural advisory centres, to the Agency for Restructuring and Modernization of Agriculture. Today, it is even simpler, you can learn it. But initially, it was far more difficult.
Women living in the countryside often tell me that they have noticed that subsidies from the European Union actually make living even easier for their husbands. Their husbands got air-conditioned, efficient equipment, and what did they get? They say: "What we actually got was a dishwasher. This is our achievement in the countryside. We do not have to wash dishes standing by the sinks." But all the automation and facilitating work, is a privilege of men. Women have won themselves changes in their house yards; because they also have a need of more beautiful surroundings façades, backyards, plantings of trees, shrubs etc… to make all of this looks better. And all this in the country was done by women.
What do Rural Housewives’ Association do these days?
Everything, really. What I have noticed after working with them for over a dozen years is that, they constantly emphasise that the most important thing for them is to leave the house, to take care of themselves for a while. To take a breath. And if you feel like you are in a group, then even the cooking and sharing recipes has a different meaning. Because it is not like the Rural Housewives’ Associations do not cook at all. They do, some like it very much. Over the years, they have become specialised in traditional broth, pork chops, or roasted chicken. Nowadays, for example, they organise sushi-making workshops. They want something new. But the most important thing is that getting together gives them the energy to act in other areas.
Where do they meet?
Many of them are still struggling with a lack of space for meetings. Some have community rooms in their villages, some use volunteer fire department facilities. Besides, it is often the case in the countryside that a woman is a member of a Rural Housewives’ Association and her husband is a member of a VFD.
They meet to support each other. One will say to the other: “Look, I found a very good doctor. He can help you with your problems." Women in the group are highly motivated to act and help each other. Ida Karpińska from the Kwiat Kobiecości [The Flower of Womanhood] Foundation told me that it is women from the countryside who invite people from her foundation and ask for a cytology bus. They invite specialists, experts, psychologists. With the Internet, they have faster access to information and make the most of it. They like having guests, are open and friendly, address difficult health issues such as urinary incontinence. They want to know how to handle it. In meetings with the associations, I asked the women about what they read. They read everything. Each one has her own world. One of them told me, “My whole life I preferred fixing a tractor rather than staying in the kitchen. I love history books. Old civilisations are my thing.”.
You did a survey among women living in the country.
I was doing a survey on how we, women, perceive each other. Unfortunately, the survey clearly showed that we still judge each other by how someone looks. During these meetings, I always emphasise that we are most cruel to each other. I also told them that no matter where we live, we are equally socialised: to work at home, to take on most of our house chores. I often point out at the meetings that the uterus is needed to give birth to a child, with some exceptions. But it is not necessary to be able to go for a walk with a child, to do homework with him, or to make him food; men should participate in raising the children and in daily household chores.
What do women say to that?
“Well, I'm gonna put my husband to work now!” And I tell them how many stereotypes there are in division of roles within the home. Women do not wash better because they are women. Unfortunately, rural stereotypes are very well-established. Two years ago, on the occasion of Women's Day – because, of course, we are only spoken about on the occasion of Women's Day and Mother's Day – the ‘Top Agrar’ agricultural magazine organised a survey among its readers on why they preferred rural women to city women as wives. The results were incredible.
What did those men say?
First of all, that country women are not afraid of getting married. That they enjoy little things, but the ones in town cannot enjoy anything because they already have everything, they have been everywhere, they have seen everything. And our country wives, how they cook! This cooking is the meaning of a man's life in the country. As if they were born to eat, not eat to live. Men also said that women in the countryside do not want to have a career, presenting this as their advantage. And it is not true. Women in the countryside have enormous aspirations, besides, they manage the expenses, they are the guardians of budgets, they guard both investment and household ones. Women are the ones keeping the money. They consult with their husbands on expenses but influence their husbands' decisions.
In the survey, it was stated: women from the countryside are the best wife material. In the countryside, it is often said that something is a "good material”. The word “material” refers to cultivation and planting: “Oh, what good seed material you have!” or “If your pigs have good genetic material, you'll have better piglets” And in all of this, there is a better wife material. Material! As if she were a part of a livestock. But women do not want that kind of language, they want a change in treatment. In Rural Housewives’ Associations, they strengthen each other in fighting stereotypes.
I believe that change is already taking place and women who live in the cities and come from the countryside play a major role in it. I believe that we need to advocate for women living in the countryside so that we can form a single basis, a single and supportive group of women.
Do Rural Housewives’ Associations have any impact on actual changes?
Of course! Rural Housewives’ Associations build leadership among women. They know their competencies. In five to ten years, we will have a very large, wonderful group of leaders. I hope that this will finally put an end to the discussions on the role of women. I know 70-year-old ladies, who are committed leaders, who effectively encourage young girls to act.
A few months ago, Olga Tokarczuk said in an interview that she owed a great deal to her parents who were involved in the folk high schools. I believe that Rural Housewives’ Associations can become such schools because these women are very open – to knowledge, to meetings, to inviting various guests to their place, to do workshops. These are places of sharing thoughts and of education.
They are a lot more than just support groups. Women in Rural Housewives' Associations are task-focused and systematic. They carry out projects from the beginning to the end. They are involved in a lot of charity actions. When it comes to raising money for a terminally ill child or for a colleague's surgery abroad, they are ready. This was also evident at the beginning of the pandemic – it was the women from the Rural Housewives' Associations who were the first to sew masks on their sewing machines. And what were the first comments? “It is unsanitary, it is dirty!” As if there were a pile of manure and dirt on the floors in the countryside. Meanwhile, they have a lot of skills and pass them down. People just do not appreciate it, they do not see it.
Rural women aren’t seen in the media, they are poorly represented, they can barely be heard.
Women have little representation in the media in general. Most often, we are present in topics related to cooking, fashion, beauty, raising children and domestic violence. Country women are virtually absent. They are not attractive to the media. They appear in local newspapers on the occasion of a festival organised by municipal authorities, as a photo with the following caption: “This is how the Rural Housewives’ Association has contributed to the event.” They are often involved in all church holidays: creating flowering carpets for the Feast of Corpus Christi, Pentecost, or Christmas. Then, they are featured on a parish website or in a local magazine. In the nationwide, mainstream news, they basically do not exist. And they would love to read about each other.
In the 1960s-1970s, 500,000 copies of the Gospodyni magazine would be sent to women in the countryside every week. Of course, the first word was "the Party’s message". But they told me: “I wasn't interested in the Party. We wanted to read about ourselves.” They still want to get to know each other.
I remember a meeting in Pyrzyce, a woman was invited who had married a Roma person 25 years ago. She spoke in a colourful way, breaking stereotypes. The participants, ladies of the Rural Housewives’ Association, listened to it with great interest. It is another myth that rural women are intolerant. After all, their children also left to work in the UK, France, or Spain. And to visit them, they had to cross geographical barriers, many of them flew for the first time in their lives. Many of them have grandchildren of a different colour, different nationality. Labour emigration has made people in the countryside more open.
Aren't we kind of idealizing? Polish countryside is still conservative, traditional.
I think it is evolutionary conservatism, slowly moving in the liberal direction. The observations and conversations I have had with the women of the Rural Housewives’ Association show that they do not want a traditional division of roles. The word “tradition” itself does not evoke positive associations to them. They told me many times: “Look, the tradition of the Dyngus Day is to spank women with pussy willows so that they can be popular with the boys. I mean, tradition is hurting us!”.
In many regions, this evolutionary process is already strongly visible. For example, in Lower Silesia, Lubusz Land, Western Pomerania, Greater Poland and Pomerania. Especially in regions that became a cultural melting pot after World War II. This is visible in Lower Silesia, for instance. They are rooting out the divisions and demons that had been artificially sustained in the Polish countryside.
What other demons are there?
A multitude of superstitions. The countryside was, and in many places still is, superstitious. I can remember 20 years ago, my neighbour screaming at me when I was hanging laundered cloth diapers in my village, “Asia, poor thing, take those diapers down, 'cause if you do not take them down by the sunset, this baby's gonna die!” It was so strongly conveyed, so horrible that I would take these diapers down as early as at noon, just in case. When I was a kid, I remember women tearing feathers and talking about bogeys and ghosts. These fears have been passed down from generation to generation.
Leaving the village has always been associated with questions: “What for? They are gonna hurt you! Where are you going? You belong here!” People were kept in a sense of fear, thinking that nowhere was safer than home. The world is here, made for you. This is where you should be a mother, a wife.
Women who were about to get married had to move from their family home to their husband's.
Because who inherited the farm from their parents? The son. A daughter had to leave the house with a suitcase and move into a new one, with her mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. Throughout their lives, women living in the country have learned to compromise. Since early childhood, they have been aware that they would have to leave the house, live with another woman whom they would have to call "Mom”, where they would be constantly judged, were scared to do anything wrong and they would have to have a high tolerance for their husband. Because they were taught that if he did not drink or beat them, he was an absolute angel. Now they know that this is not enough.
And they want to talk about topics that are taboo in the country.
What topics are these?
No one talks about depression or violence, because "everyone does their dirty laundry in their own house”. Such topics are needed to be spoken on, so such specialists are invited. And they help each other out a lot. The countryside, whether a former state-owned farm or with individual farmsteads, is largely a family, and a biological one at that. This is because when there were five cousins from the surrounding villages, they would marry sisters from another village, so they were always close or distant family.
In Rural Housewives’ Associations, women share both their life and professional experiences. What I like a lot is that they are environmentally friendly. But they also like it when someone comes and teaches them how to make their makeup looks nice.
Were you or your mother a member of your Rural Housewives' Association in Grużajny?
We did not have a Rural Housewives Association, it was a state-owned farming village. But the women were grouping anyway, for them a barn where most of them worked was the venue of everyday meetings and exchange of thoughts. Besides, we were making harvest wreaths together, we were tearing feathers, making sauerkraut together; I have many great friendships from these days.
Women from Rural Housewives’ Associations have deep relationships, they support each other. I see this energy and I think they have a chance to change Poland. They have the skills that are needed in politics, and they have mastered social skills.
They are competent, they know what they want. In a few years' time, I am sure some of them will represent the village in the Polish Parliament. I believe that maybe then integration will take place, that the division between rural and city women will end.
I am also positive that Poland will one day have a female president. It would be nice if it was a woman who was integrating all of us.
What can integrate women?
A festive day, for instances. We have so many church or public holidays and no one says whether it is good for the economy or not. And we do not have a meaningful public holiday for women.
What about Women's Day?
It is perceived with mixed feelings. There is no bigger message behind it.
I think November 28th should be our holiday. In 1918, on November 28th, women were granted active and passive voting rights. Let it be a day off from work, let it be a day celebrating the granting of voting rights to Polish women. This is so important! To celebrate together, to realise that the fate of the country is in our hands.
My father kept telling me: “Go to Warsaw where they pull the strings of the bells”, because in the countryside, we have always heard an echo. These women also say that decisions about women were made without them. The bottom-up initiatives of Rural Housewives' Associations will yield results because women in the countryside are already more aware of their rights. More and more women will be running in the next local elections; when they are in the local government, they will also be in the parliament. Parliamentarians – neither rural nor urban, simply female.
Monika Tutak-Goll talks to Joanna Warecha
Graphics: Marta Frej
- Joanna Warecha - journalist, director, author of the book PGR… historie zlikwidowanych (State Farms... stories about the defunct) and the film PGR. Obrazy (State Farms. Images). Former editor-in-chief of Gospodyni magazine. Co-founder of the Kobieta stworzyła (“Woman Created”) initiative. Superhero of Wysokie Obcasy 2017.
Interview was published in "Wysokie Obcasy" from 11 July 2020