I beg to differ! Why teach children to express their own opinions

Critical thinking allows us to form our own independent opinion on a given topic. The problem is that expressing and defending it (and changing it...) often requires maturity and courage. Even we, adults, have problems with this and can let go out of fear that, for example, we’ll lose our job. What are young people afraid of? For them, acceptance from their peers is extremely important. They’re afraid that if they say what they really think, they’ll be rejected or ridiculed. This is why they try to adapt to the opinion of the majority or not reveal their own. This starts happening very early in childhood, which is why it’s so important to set an example for children from an early age. Let’s teach children how important it is to be yourself and to have the right to individuality.

 “Not good”? How about “I don’t like it”? 

“I don’t like this, I don’t like that.” Expressing your own opinion comes quite easily and naturally for small children. Two-year-olds protest when we dress them in a blouse they don’t like. They say with great openness that they’re not going to eat something. Over time, they learn that sometimes it’s better to leave something unsaid, for example, not to hurt someone. This is how the process of self-censorship begins. How about, instead of teaching the child that it’s better to keep their opinions to themselves, you show them how to say something without offending others? After all, for some people sour rye soup may be the most delicious meal in the world, while others couldn’t bear tasting it again.  

Try to replace sentences that are judgemental, with sentences that express your subjective opinion and consider the fact that someone may have a different view on a given subject:  

1. Nice shirt – I like it...

2. Ugly colour – I don’t like it...  

3. Delicious – I like it. 

4. Awful, tasteless, bleh – I don’t like it. 

5. Boring – I wasn’t interested. 

Come up with your own examples too.  

My opinion  

Ask your child if they have ever experienced a situation in which, e.g. out of fear of rejection, they haven’t expressed their own opinion, but blindly followed the group or a specific person. How did they feel? Would they do the same thing now? Do they see any solution to this situation?

Outcast or individualist?  

The sense of inadequacy is particularly hard for teenagers. If you see that your child is facing such a challenge, between the need for social acceptance and following their own path, talk to them and work it out together. How does that make you feel? A good excuse to start such a conversation with older children may be watching “Billy Elliot” (dir. Stephen Daldry). It’s about a boy from a mining family who wants to dance in a ballet despite it being against his father’s will and faces rejection. Discuss Billy’s story in the context of the emotions associated with a sense of inadequacy and lack of acceptance. It’s important to draw the child’s attention to the positive aspects of following their own path, although it’s difficult, it can give great satisfaction and a sense of agency. 

Tracing stereotypes  

If you’ve managed to talk to the kids about critical thinking, maybe it’s time to see how it works in practice. Stereotypes are often reinforced within groups of people, sometimes they are even part of their identity. They are both a standard to which a group member should adapt and a way of thinking about others. Ask the child whether they have ever come across such behaviour in their peer group and whether there’s something about it that they consider wrong? Then deal with a stereotype you both know, such as gender roles.

After this task, think about the answers to the following questions:  

* What can make me change my mind about something? 

* What is good about being ready to change one’s way of thinking and what can be difficult about it?  

* Why might someone want to influence my opinion or decision? What are their intentions?  

* Why would I want to influence someone’s opinion or decision? What’s driving me? 

This task is inspired by the scenario entitled “Independence in thought and freedom”, in which you can find even more exercises.

All source materials are prepared by the team of Kulczyk Foundation’s Education Department in cooperation with teachers and experts – pedagogists, psychologists and cultural experts – and verified by an experienced family therapist Kamila Becker. Kinga Kuszak, PhD, Professor of Adam Mickiewicz University, Faculty of Educational Studies, provides content-related supervision over Kulczyk Foundation’s educational materials. All materials are covered by the content patronage of the Faculty of Educational Studies of Adam Mickiewicz University.

The article was published on 05.05.2020 on the website of Instytut Dobrego Życia (Good Life Institute)

Authors: Marta Tomaszewska (Kulczyk Foundation) and Anna Woźniak (Instytut Dobrego Życia)