Pluck up the courage and ask for help. International Day of Kids Helplines

Vicious circle 

Sometimes we can feel like a rat in a maze, when we try to find a solution to a problem, we can keep arriving at dead ends and bang our head against the wall. So we run in circles, becoming more and more stressed and tired. Slowly, we no longer have the strength, not only for this particular problem, but also for other important matters in our lives. Problems are mounting and we think there’s no way out. Or we simply feel tired, overwhelmed and alone. At such moments, it’s easy to think about yourself pessimistically: “I’m weak, stupid and inept”. Sometimes, we blame the world for our failures. This is how we go round in circles. If we think about ourselves negatively, if we don’t really believe in our abilities and the world is at fault, how can we feel supported? Admitting weakness, powerlessness or ignorance to yourself is neither pleasant nor easy, let alone admitting it to others. Paradoxically, it takes strength and courage to ask for help. It’s a skill that is really worth working on, because thanks to it we can not only solve problems, but also gain a different perspective and a sense that we’re not alone. 

Little Miss Independent 

How many times have you heard your child state firmly: “Let me!”, “I’ll do it!”? Children acquire new skills from an early age, building self-esteem and a sense of agency. It’s important to support them in this quest for independence. It’s equally important that children feel that not everything in life works out, that sometimes we have the right to need help and support. The key in this situation is to be aware that we can and should ask for help. It’s good for children to know that when they need it, they can turn to you. 

Trust is the key to helping 

What makes us turn to someone for help? Above all, it’s trust. We know that we can count on this person, that they will know what to do in this situation and that we won’t be disappointed in them. That is why building trust in our relationships is so important. Then, when we find ourselves in trouble, it’s easier to ask our loved ones for help and vice versa. We offer you a game entitled “My guide – a game of trust”. It will show how important trust and a sense of responsibility for one another is. In this exercise, each of you will be able to experience what it’s like to trust another person and be a person whom someone else trusted. Work in pairs. Your task will be to walk around the house in a safe way. One person will be blindfolded and the other person will lead. Switch roles after 2-3 minutes. 

After finishing the game, reflect and discuss: 

How did you feel when you were blindfolded? 

What made you feel safe? 

Was it easy to trust a partner? 

How did your guide try to help you? 

How did you feel when you led the other person? 

What surprised you? 

What didn’t you pay attention to before? 

How did you try to help? 

Each of you had to adapt to your partner, slow down a little, be thorough and patient. Thanks to this, you could really ‘see’ each other and communicate. Remember that this is just a game, but it shows how we need to feel safe with each other every day. A sense of security, the ability to trust, entrusting a loved one with your worries or fears and asking for help are all developed, with each bit of trust we build. Be there for each other and be mindful of the signals from your children.  

Your lifebuoys 

Sometimes we don’t see the possibility of asking our loved ones for help or we don’t want to do so. Children in particular tend to think that no one can help them. They are afraid to admit that they are in trouble, they fear the consequences or don’t want to burden their parents with problems as “they have a lot on their plates”. It’s important that they’re not left alone with their difficulties, so talk to them about where they can get help if they don’t feel ready to talk to you yet. Emphasise that they can always count on you, (and be sure to keep your word). Draw lifebuoys with the child. Discuss who your child can turn to for help when they have a problem and write their names inside each lifebuoy. Sometimes it’s easier for children to talk anonymously to strangers, so in one of the lifebuoys, write down the number of the helpline for children and young people. 

It’s worth remembering how important it is to ask for help, that each of us has the right to get it and that there are people and institutions to which you can ask for it. Make a list of places where adults and children can turn to for help in different situations. It’s good to know where you can get support when you need it. 

All source materials are prepared by the team of Kulczyk Foundation’s Education Department in cooperation with teachers and experts – pedagogists, psychologists and cultural experts – and verified by an experienced family therapist Kamila Becker. Kinga Kuszak, PhD, Professor of Adam Mickiewicz University, Faculty of Educational Studies, provides content-related supervision over Kulczyk Foundation’s educational materials. All materials are covered by the content patronage of the Faculty of Educational Studies of Adam Mickiewicz University.

The article was published on 18.05.2020 on the website of Instytut Dobrego Życia (Good Life Institute)

Authors: Anna Samsel (Kulczyk Foundation) and Anna Woźniak (Instytut Dobrego Życia)