Spring cleaning at home and in your head. How to check the division of roles in the family?

Each of us assumes a role in everyday life. The way we understand it is often the result of our upbringing, but over time, we define the roles ourselves. We define what kind of a parent, partner and even child we want to be. What is it like in your home? Do you have a clear division into “male” and “female” tasks? Or is it rather variable? While spending time together at home, take a look at how you and other household members assume your roles and what you think you should and shouldn’t do. How should you start talking about it as a family?

 Let’s take on different roles  

Select one day for changing roles. Encourage other household members to imagine themselves in different, not necessarily obvious roles. Maybe someone would be willing to see what it’s like to be a cat? Or a dog? What sounds do they make? What are their favourite spots at home? What if mum becomes a child and the child takes on the role of grandad? How would you move if you were someone else? Maybe before dinner you will all play the roles of restaurant employees and then the roles of its guests? During the game, pay attention to your perceptions of given roles or characters. Exchange experiences, how do you feel in such a role? What’s cool about it and what’s not? 

Take a look at your roles  

During this game, you can also consider what is most important to you in everyday roles and what you could modify, especially now that you’re all together at home. It may turn out that you can no longer function within the current division of tasks and assigned roles. This means that it’s time to change and adapt to the new situation. Make sure you sit down and take your time to analyse who has what role, what falls within the scope of this role and what should no longer fall within it. It’s worth listing your responsibilities out loud and discussing how many of them each of you has. Check whether you could share them so that nobody is too overloaded and everyone knows what they are responsible for. 

The way adults share responsibilities at home and the roles they assume build the children’s perception of the roles of women and men. Talk to children about how they see your roles. Even a three-year-old knows from observation what mum “should” do and what dad “does”. So, let’s pay attention to what we convey to our children.

All source materials are prepared by the team of Kulczyk Foundation’s Education Department in cooperation with teachers and experts – pedagogists, psychologists and cultural experts – and verified by an experienced family therapist Kamila Becker. Kinga Kuszak, PhD, Professor of Adam Mickiewicz University, Faculty of Educational Studies, provides content-related supervision over Kulczyk Foundation’s educational materials. All materials are covered by the content patronage of the Faculty of Educational Studies of Adam Mickiewicz University.

The article was published on 03.04.2020 on the website of Instytut Dobrego Życia (Good Life Institute)

Authors: Dorota Szkodzińska (Kulczyk Foundation) and Anna Woźniak (Instytut Dobrego Życia)