Differences are not just a consequence of our conscious choices, like outfits or views on life. They are also a whole range of things that we have no or very limited control over. We belong to various ethnic groups, we are brought up in different cultures, even the family environment distinguishes us. We are short, tall, some of us like sport, others can’t be forced to go for a run. All this affects who we are and the possible combinations of different characteristics are almost infinite. That’s why we’re different and that’s why we’re all special. Doesn’t it sound like a dream come true?
Uniqueness and affiliation
It seems that our need to belong is in conflict with our need to be unique. It is particularly strong during puberty. It makes us feel like a member of a group with which we have similarities and become more like the members of the group we want to belong to. We also tend to highlight our differences to other groups, creating conflict and division between us and them. How should we deal with it and reverse the division process? If we see that we differ within “our” group and we find similarities with the representatives of “their” group, there is a greater chance that these borders won’t be so sharp. This gives ourselves the right to differ beautifully and benefit from it, because, as the bard said: “It’s a great shame to lose a nobly different friend”.
Right to individuality
It’s worth being aware of what distinguishes us, of our individuality and our right to it. We may like the same clothes or colours, and not like the same cuisine or listen to the same music. It’s good to be different. Thanks to this, the whole world maintains diversity. Differences can give rise to conflicts, but also to innovative solutions. Not being content with the existing state of affairs is what development comes from.
How are we different?
The children look at each other. They’re interested in their bodies. They start to compare themselves with others. They see their own individuality. Sometimes, they are proud of it. Sometimes, they envy the way someone looks. But, is that the most important thing? Talk about what’s worth paying attention to.
What do I look like?
Stand in front of a mirror or prepare small mirrors for everyone. Tell the members of your household to look at their faces. You can ask your child to complete the following sentences:
1. My eyes are (colour, size)...
2. My hair is (colour, length)...
3. My nose is (size, shape)...
4. My lips are (size, colour)...
Talk to your child about the value of diversity. You can use the following questions:
1. Are there people in our family whose faces look the same as mine?
2. Who am I most similar to? What’s cool about having such ears/mouth/nose?
3. What would happen if everyone had the same eyes, noses, hair?
4. Would you like to live in a world where everyone is the same?
Remember that, saying the child is “the splitting image of mum/dad”, just because they have the same hair colour and a dimple in their chin, can lead to excessive generalisations and prevent the child from building their own identity and individuality.