For a child, the pursuit of freedom is often the pursuit of autonomy and the possibility of self-determination. It extends their decision-making and independence zone. Freedom also involves responsibility, which is worth making children aware of. All decisions and actions have consequences. Trusting a child, talking about their needs and desires, including the need for autonomy, is the foundation of a good relationship.
Setting boundaries
We should take children seriously. Remember their duties, but also their rights. For example, intimacy, setting their own boundaries, having and expressing their own opinion. Above all, let’s respect their right to autonomy and individuality. The right to freedom! The sense of freedom we can give a child at home, which they can develop in the family, will pay off both now and in the future. How? In the form of an independent, autonomous person who will grow, look for their own ways and build strong and active relationships.
Research shows that giving teenagers a significant amount of autonomy at the beginning of adolescence, not only improves their well-being and the quality of their relationship with their parents, but also influences the development of important competences necessary in adult life. It builds good self-esteem in children, increases their sense of responsibility and influence on the world as well as empathy and sensitises them to their own and others’ needs and emotions.
A world of total freedom
What would that mean? Together with your child, draw a world where you can do anything you want without any restrictions. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of such a world. Talk to them about “total freedom”. What do we feel like doing? Why do we want to do it? Why can’t we do it? What would the consequences be if we did?
Freedom at home
Talking about freedom may not be easy. Each of us may understand it differently and need something different at a given moment. We live under one roof, so let’s also seek agreement on rules that apply to both children and adults. The following exercise can be an excuse to talk about needs.
Together with your children, write on a piece of paper:
- three things children can do at home,
- three things they can’t do,
- three things they can do after asking their parents’ permission,
- three things they wish they could do.
Justify your choice by discussing what makes your child want to do something like this and why sometimes, they can’t always do what they want. You can expand this list as long as it’s not just about prohibitions and obligations. If what the child is asking for is difficult for you to accept, talk about the conditions that must be met for them to be allowed to do it.