I want it! A need or a whim?
When parents-to-be prepare for the birth of their child, they face a whole list of dilemmas regarding the best way to take care of them. They reach for guides, ask family and more experienced friends or rely on instinct. Either way, when the baby arrives, they ask themselves, do I carry them in my arms or not? When something upsetting happens, do I hug them or let them calm down by themselves? Even if they had a plan, the child’s behaviour can often change it. We differ in our approach to upbringing, including how we set boundaries for a child. So, when one parent buys their child the toy of their choice without reservations, another, despite the toddler’s crying and fuming, won’t agree to the purchase, because they value consistency. We’re afraid to give way, we worry that the child will walk over us and, in the future, will expect to have everything handed to them on a plate. So, do we give way or should we be consistent at all costs?
Sometimes it’s worth saying “no”
Children who have never heard “no” from their parents are left without ever feeling hopelessness or disappointment. When they find themselves in such a situation, they can react with aggression or self-aggression. On the other hand, those who had lived under very strict rules, may have a problem learning to give way.
Failure to meet the child’s basic needs, such as, hunger, thirst, intimacy, safety or sleep, has a negative impact on their development. However, children need to learn that some things are beyond their control and need adaptation, for them to develop properly.
We encourage you to talk to your children about what they need and what is important to them. You may find their answers surprising.