His Majesty Anger: What can we do to prevent him from governing us? And how do we make friends with him?

Expressing emotions safely

Together with your child, take a look at how they feel when they experience anger: is this feeling located in their belly? In their throat? In their hands? Search for the most effective method of expressing anger and finding an outlet for this emotion. For example:

• Deep breaths and counting to four – take a deep breath and while exhaling, count up to four in your head. You can show the numbers with your fingers. It slows down exhalation and calms the body down.

• Keeping the feather in the air – raise your hand high and release the imaginary feather from your hand, then keep it in the air only by blowing on it. In this way you focus on a specific activity that distracts you from the source of anger and you regulate your breathing.

• Take your anger out on a soft pillow – show how you can safely take your anger out on a pillow: hit it with your hands when it’s lying on the floor, then lift it up, crumple it and squeeze it firmly.

• Crumpling paper – crumple a sheet of paper up into a small ball. Note that before crumpling, you have to make sure that no one needs it and that no important information is written on it.

• Tearing a sheet of paper to shreds – straighten out the sheet and tear it into small pieces, then throw them into the bin. You can also collect them, lift them up in your hands and let them go so that you can watch them fall slowly – as if they weren’t carrying the anger with which they were torn apart.

• Drawing anger – take a large sheet of paper, draw on it shapes and patterns that come to your mind and tell your child that this is what your anger looks like – as expressed through drawing.

Fuming Corner

Another good solution is preparing a ‘Fuming Corner.’ Suppressed anger can lead to an uncontrolled explosion. So instead of suppressing it, provide yourselves with safe space to express it. In a moment of peace, talk about what relieves you and your child from anger, making sure it is acceptable to other household members. In such a corner you might have, for example, a pillow for kicking, sheets of paper for scribbling and tearing and other things that you and your child find appropriate. After an attack of anger, when everyone calms down, it is also worth remembering to talk about what caused it.

Here you can find various exercises and games that will help your child express anger safely.

All source materials are prepared by the team of Kulczyk Foundation’s Education Department in cooperation with teachers and experts – pedagogists, psychologists and cultural experts – and verified by an experienced family therapist Kamila Becker. Kinga Kuszak, PhD, Professor of Adam Mickiewicz University, Faculty of Educational Studies, provides content-related supervision over Kulczyk Foundation’s educational materials. All materials are covered by the content patronage of the Faculty of Educational Studies of Adam Mickiewicz University.

The article was published on 25.03.2020 on the website of Instytut Dobrego Życia (Good Life Institute)

Authors: Dorota Szkodzińska (Kulczyk Foundation) and Anna Woźniak (Instytut Dobrego Życia)