I miss you because I love you. Every emotion has its cause. How to learn to read them?

Emotions show us and the world what’s happening to us and what has affected us. Sometimes, they’re signposts that lead us in a subjectively better direction. Therefore, take a look at your emotions and think about what they indicate and where they really came from. 

Cause and effect 

Doesn’t the sadness of a child missing their grandparents or friends show that they need to be with them? Is our overwhelming anxiety related to the completely understandable sense of uncertainty of tomorrow? What caused these feelings in us? Forced isolation, critical commentary by the superior and information about the upcoming crisis? The reasons may be different, but emotions indicate that there has to be a source for them to come from. So let your emotions speak and treat them as valuable information about yourself and others. Start with something that many of us are facing right now, such as longing and sadness. 

How do we experience longing?  

At the moment, you probably feel the longing for someone or something. The children must do too. How do we talk to them about it? Let’s allow ourselves to feel emotions: they come, they require being experienced and then, heard out, they make room for others. This is also a moment for you to talk with your children about what is important to you on a daily basis. Who do you miss and why? 

You can draw pictures on small sheets of paper showing who or what you miss. Then collect the works of the household members and stick them to a large sheet of cardboard or tape them together. Now you have a “Who and what we miss” poster, that shows what matters to you and who matters to you.

Sadness is like rain  

When sadness appears, take a moment to be together, you can draw inspiration from the “Sadness like rain” game. When telling a story about sadness, use different hand movements and ways of touching. This will raise your oxytocin levels right away. Sit down so that you can touch the back of the other person. Ready? Get started!  

Sometimes sadness pays a visit, it’s like a drizzle (gently tapping the back of the person sitting in front of us with all our fingers), it rains and ripples.  

There are times when it changes, it gains strength and becomes rain (tapping our fingers with a little more force, but without doing any harm). It's not a ripple anymore, but a louder sound caused by the falling droplets.  

When it rains and rains, more and more water accumulates and small streams are formed – like streams of tears (we make a squiggle, moving our fingers from the top to the bottom of the other person’s back).  

The streams flow and change into turbulent rivers (we make a squiggle, moving our palms from the top to the bottom of the other person’s back).  

But look, the sun comes out from behind the clouds, the river flows slower and calmer (we run our hand straight from the top to the bottom of the other person’s back). The sun is shining and we feel calm again.

When we need support 

Suddenly we can’t see our loved ones, our freedom has been limited, we see depressing images of illness and death on a daily basis and we have the impression that we have irretrievably lost the world that we know. Then the sadness comes. We’re sad that so many people are suffering, we’re sad that from now on, we’ll associate our beloved place on earth not only with joy and carelessness, but also with the tragedy of many people. However, if sadness has become too intense and it never really goes away, consuming our energy and zest for life, it’s a signal that we can’t ignore, a signal that we should seek help. If you need support or know that someone needs it, get the help of specialists, don’t force yourself to go through it alone. 

All source materials are prepared by the team of Kulczyk Foundation’s Education Department in cooperation with teachers and experts – pedagogists, psychologists and cultural experts – and verified by an experienced family therapist Kamila Becker. Kinga Kuszak, PhD, Professor of Adam Mickiewicz University, Faculty of Educational Studies, provides content-related supervision over Kulczyk Foundation’s educational materials. All materials are covered by the content patronage of the Faculty of Educational Studies of Adam Mickiewicz University.

The article was published on 07.05.2020 on the website of Instytut Dobrego Życia (Good Life Institute)

Authors: Anna Samsel (Kulczyk Foundation) and Anna Woźniak (Instytut Dobrego Życia)