Transmenstruation: “I have ovaries, so I menstruate. Even though I'm not a woman”

Grzegorz: - I can observe that most people approach menstruation as something related to their gender, not their body.

Agnieszka Urazińska: Because it's hard to avoid such associations.

- Yes, we attribute menstruation to women. Some transgender people have a huge problem with menstruation. And I put it this way: I have eyes, so I look, I have ears, so I hear, I have ovaries – so I menstruate. My name is Grzegorz, though. But look, from a physical point of view, people experience menstruation because they have ovaries and a vagina, not because they're women.

Usually, one goes hand in hand with the other.

- Well, there are people – for example me – in whom the perception of one's own gender is different than the gender assigned to us at birth, based on visible genitals.

Have you just defined transgenderism?

- If we don't start with a definition, everything else might get too complicated.

Doesn't it annoy you to have to explain it to people?

- In the street, we don't need to see what other people have in their pants or who they want to sleep with. All you need is a name and knowledge of how to conjugate verbs.

But you talk about these intimate affairs, too.

- Because I believe intolerance is often the result of people's ignorance. Sometimes they don't know how to ask, have no opportunity to do so or don't feel like doing so. And if they don't know, they won't understand. Misunderstanding leads to prejudice. And it turns out that some prefer to think of transgender people as freaks. Or they want to cure us of this, even though there are already hard scientific studies that prove that gender identity cannot be changed. Just like orientation. It's assigned to us – like the colour of eyes or hair. People really need education. Also in this respect. I'm at a point in my life where I love to explain.

Like what for instance?

- The complicated issue of following gender identity. Because it isn't obvious that every transgender person strives for transition, i.e. gender correction. It is done mainly by those who experience gender dysphoria – that is, the suffering associated with the fact that the bodily attributes do not correspond to one's identity. Breasts, for example, that a trans man might not accept. However, there are situations in which hormone treatment is sufficient to lower the voice or to have a beard, and a transgender person doesn't need a major correction. There is also non-binary identity when a person doesn't have an unambiguous identity. For example, when a person doesn't identify with any gender. Or they flow smoothly from one to the other, depending on the situation or at different intensities. Then your appearance, name, or way of speaking about yourself may not correspond to what is socially acceptable.

You could get lost in all this.

- Everybody gets lost. Even we, transgender people, have difficulty understanding these issues. That's why I am not surprised that cisgender people – that is, those who do not have a contradiction between gender assigned at birth and identity – have a huge problem with understanding the subject. I'm not even particularly surprised by this. Have you felt confused before talking to me, too?

I had my doubts about the term “trans man”, but I was embarrassed to ask, so I looked it up online.

- It's not common knowledge. People are often confused about who a trans man is and who a trans woman is. So, I'll explain it so as there's no room left for any doubt. At birth, I was assigned the female gender based on visible genitals. But I don't take testosterone shots in my ass to be talked to using expressions generally associated with women and girls. I'm a trans man. And vice versa. People are afraid to ask, they don't know how to do so. Some transgender people feel embarrassed and don't want to constantly explain their intimate issues.

You seem to have no problem talking about yourself?

- I'm at a point where educating and explaining is my mission. Maybe this'll change someday. Now I'm not just doing this so most people can understand us. The main objective is to help transgender people. As you can see, the issue is complicated, so imagine it involving you. You don't know how to define what you're experiencing. You feel a disagreement within yourself. You're afraid it's wrong. You think that something's wrong with you. Such a person can feel very withdrawn, lost. In addition, when they experience dysphoria, they can suffer greatly. And knowledge about transsexuality is very low in Poland. We don't have sex education in schools. Sometimes when a transgender person comes out, parents call an exorcist to cast out an evil spirit.

What was it like in your case?

- I was very lucky because my parents were supportive. But my road was bumpy, too. When I was in the senior class, Anna Grodzka appeared in the political arena. I felt that this issue might concern me. I read a lot. I also gave the articles to my parents and asked what they thought about such a phenomenon.

Did you prepare them?

- Of course not! I didn't even know it yet. But by the way, I definitely broadened their horizons somehow. I decided to give myself time, get through college, and then decide. I went into hyper-femininity – wearing dresses, corsets, heavy make-up. One expert witness wrote in a court opinion – which was needed to reconcile the data in court so that it was consistent with my gender identity – that in that period I looked like Yennefer from The Witcher. I also went through a period of transphobia, when at the same time I questioned the existence of transsexuality and criticised transgender people. I guess I wanted to believe that this was an invention of the Internet and that it didn't concern me. I am well aware of the need for discussion and understanding of the subject in such situations. I was 25 years old when I told my parents I had decided to transition.

And you decided to adjust your appearance and data to your gender identity.

- That's what it's supposed to be like. I didn't ask my parents for their opinion, I informed them. My mum later said it was kind of like the pieces of the puzzle finally fitting together. And also that the name I chose would be easier for her to accept, because it also had a lot of “r”s, just like the one I'd been using since I was born.

What was the name?

- You don't answer this question, it's a 'dead name'. The old chapter is closed. Remembering this name is used to undermine transsexuality. Sometimes someone uses it on purpose to insult a transgender person.

A person – you often use this t-word. When I contacted the TransFuzja Foundation because I was looking for someone to interview, I was greeted by the message “Hello, person”.

- We love this word. It doesn't impose anything, it gives freedom.

Did you feel free to follow your gender?

- I managed to understand a lot of things. Some transgender people know since childhood that their body doesn't fit them. Others only see it in their 40s. And I realised why I felt so bad about my breasts. I didn't like being touched. In intimate situations, I could barely hide it. I remember even asking my female friends if they enjoyed it. They laughed that I was probably the only woman they knew who didn't like it. Now I know it was gender dysphoria. Because I wasn't a woman.

But you had your period.

- For a long time. It is often the case that when a trans man starts taking hormones, menstruation disappears. I've been taking them for eight months, and I still get my period. I know this is a huge discomfort for some transgender people. As I told you, I avoided these problems because I simply explained to myself that my period in no way defines my gender. It's because I have certain organs. And that’s all. Menstruation for transgender people involves problems that hardly anyone can think of.

It's probably about using public toilets.

- There can be a lot of problems with that. It's the transgender person who decides when to change the sign. There are drastic situations when a trans man is “exposed” in the men's restroom and may experience aggression – I know extreme cases when so-called corrective rapes were carried out. To brutally prove to a trans man that he's really a woman. Such situations are extreme, but we need to talk about them. And every day we encounter technical problems, sometimes funny ones.

How do you change your tampon in the men's toilets?

- You can bet your ass it's a challenge! You probably don't notice that when you open a pad or a tampon, there's a distinctive sound. It's like someone opening a bag of crisps.

Or condoms.

- That's right. I didn't think of that. But, indeed, there were moments of dismay for others, and for me, too, and then strange looks from other men. Of course, you can use a menstrual cup, but try taking one and washing it in the men's toilets. It would be hard to get into the ladies restroom with a masculine look, too. You know what the biggest problem we have with this is?

Cisgender people have no idea what you're up against.

- That, too. And there are fewer of us. So – and this is the problem – we are overlooked. In many ways. Also during menstruation. And it's not true that only women menstruate. Trans men, trans men before hormone therapy or those with uncut internal organs who have discontinued hormone therapy with testosterone – with a beard, a low voice – go to men's toilets to change a tampon. Imagine there's a large group of people who don't decide to have an internal organ excision or genital surgery, and for various reasons stop taking testosterone. And they start getting periods again. They look like men, but they can get pregnant. They're still menstruating. Menstruation isn't the only problem transgender people face, but a lot can be done about it.

We shouldn't treat it like women's privilege?

- Exactly. Let's not say you're a woman, so you menstruate. Because some trans men menstruate, too. Because there are also women who are infertile and don't menstruate. Or they're postmenopausal. By stubbornly identifying femininity with menstruation, we hurt them.

Where would you start?

- In the United States, there has even been an advertisement for sanitary pads or tampons, where, apart from women, there was a man on the poster, I think. It's too soon for this in our country. But maybe you can think of a word. So as not to treat menstruation as something exclusively feminine. It can make life easier for a lot of people. And a “menstruating person” doesn't sound bad, does it?

 

  Agnieszka Urazińska interviews Grzegorz "Lifyen" 

• Grzegorz "Lifyen" -  a member of the board of the Trans-Fuzja Foundation, the author of the “Angry Trans” fanpage, one of the creators of “Transbros” on YouTube .

The interview was published in wysokieobcasy.pl on 14 November 2020 r.