Will school be back or not? Will parents lose their jobs? Children have double concerns

The pandemic and remote school have left a hole in children’s lives. First of all, they have been torn away from their peers, and second of all, their normal routine has been changed. How is this situation affecting their well-being?

We are dealing with a series of unforeseeable events, both for children and for us, adults. As a matter of fact, it is still difficult to predict what might happen next. We have been seeing signals indicating that children are feeling a lot of anxiety due to this uncertainty. They are wondering what will happen when school is finally back, and if so, what will the rules be like. Some children really miss their friends and school, but for some the isolation caused by the coronavirus is a nice breather. This group of children includes children for whom school is, for various reasons, a difficult experience: children who find mixing with peers a challenge, children who experience peer violence, or children with social anxiety disorders. For all such children, the return to school will probably be extremely difficult and challenging.

Can we support children in their return to school, if there will be one at all?

Of course we can. We need to talk to them about the situation that we are all experiencing. We need to show them that we are with them, and that they have our support as adults. This is essential for children. It is also worth talking about how they feel in the current situation, what they need to feel as comfortable as possible, and what can be done to make their return to school, if it happens, as smooth and easy as possible. It is also important for guardians and children alike to be aware and understand that concerns are natural, and that the information we receive, from the media and from other sources, may cause concern. On the other end of the spectrum, we have the teachers, who are in quite a predicament themselves. It would be wonderful if schools had some sort of a “model of operation” in place after the isolation. I mean a model consisting of a series of activities that each school might offer to their students, including special weekly class meetings, openness of the teaching staff to communicating student needs and difficulties, or increased vigilance of counselling teams, and a wider availability thereof. It is vital that teachers talk to children and tell them that they know what the situation is like, that they are open to students and to their needs and difficulties, as well as talk about the challenges that we are all facing. It would be nice if teachers could make it known to children that they are ready to talk to them whenever they need to.

And what if there is another lockdown? Can we prepare children for it and make isolation as stress-free as possible for them?

We need to ask our children this question and we should also ask them what they would need in such an event, and what they believe will be most difficult for them. What we can do, though, is educate our children and tell them that the situation is beyond our control. We cannot promise them that they will return to school for certain. There are many possible scenarios, but telling children alone that we all have our own worries will be a sort of a safety cushion. It is important to talk about what is difficult for us, and to go over possible solutions. As adults, we will not be able to satisfy all of children’s needs, but noticing them alone will indicate to them that they are not on their own and can count on us and talk to us.

How should we talk to children?

Above all, sincerely and openly. We should not assume anything and we should take an interest in what children have to say to us. We should suppose, imagine, discuss, talk about what is going on, voice our own concerns and tell them what annoys us. If we talk to our children about all this, we will indicate to them that they can talk to us about it too.

There are homes where parents rarely talk to their children, and starting a conversation might seem a little artificial. However, it is worth overcoming such feelings and doing it.

You say that we should communicate our own concerns to children, but how do we avoid stressing or scaring them even more?

The best solution is to talk about facts and to name emotions. It is also worth exploring what our children already know. We may simply ask them or we may discuss the information that we hear on TV. We may also use the message “I feel/think/believe/wonder how you feel about it”, “I imagine you may be feeling lost, etc.” It is likely that our child will empathise with us, but it doesn’t have to mean that they will assume our concerns or anxiety. It is worth normalising emotions, including the difficult ones, and finding room for them in our daily conversations. If we are in a situation, for example, in which we fear for our job, it is worth voicing our specific concerns. The children will probably worry about us and it is natural. It is important, however, to adjust the content and manner of communicating information to the child’s age. Worry, nervousness and stress are completely natural and normal reactions to various situations. Sometimes stress is short-lived, and sometimes it can cause anxiety and other symptoms that make normal functioning difficult, such as avoiding stressful situations, a stomach ache or a headache. If such symptoms appear, we should seek specialist support for our child. The starting point, however, is talking which allows us to take further actions.

Aleksandra Mijakoska-Siemion talks to Paula Włodarczyk

• Paula Włodarczyk is a psychologist and a coordinator of the Helpline Programme at the Empowering Children Foundation – the 116 111 Helpline for Children and Young People, and the 800 100 100 Helpline for Parents and Teachers on Keeping Children Safe. For more than seven years she has worked as a consultant and has talked to children calling the Helpline.

The article was published online on the "Wysokie Obcasy" webpage on 3 August 2020.