All Saints’ Day. My religious ancestors were close to their dead. Children feel like they’re being punished when they go to the cemetery

My kids don’t like the Day of the Dead, and in general they feel that going to the cemetery is a punishment. I don’t understand this at all, because as a child I loved this day myself, and a walk to the cemetery seemed much more interesting than going to the park. All those intriguing old names on the plaques, the romantic inscriptions, the carvings, the sepia-toned photos... What fuel it all was for the imagination! All Saints’ Day, celebrated together with All Souls’ Day or All Souls’, was the second coolest holiday of the year after Christmas. It was beautiful in the cemetery: there were lights and lots of flowers standing (and walking – in the arms of passers-by) everywhere, and people were all dressed up in their best coats and new boots. There was a kind of homely buzz there, and every now and then you would meet some cousin you hadn’t seen for ages or an uncle from the big city. No wonder, then, that rumours circulated among the graves like matchsticks passed from hand to hand. And after the cemetery visit, a big and delicious family dinner awaited us. In the east, where I grew up, there were no sweets on cemetery stalls, but I know from Varsovians that eating Pańska Skórka (a home-made sweet similar to taffy) was an obligatory part of All Saints’ Day here.

By the way, during the communist era, November 1st was officially called the Day of the Dead. This name is still in use today, and I prefer to use it myself, because it is simpler and removed from the religious context.

Perhaps for me – unlike for my children – the cemetery was never a gloomy place, because I knew the dead I visited there very well from stories. In the times when there was a black-and-white TV set with one channel in the family house in Tykocin, stories about ancestors were the best entertainment for long winter evenings. No wonder then that later I would go to light a candle on the graves of Stach, my uncle the priest or Old Romelowa, as if I were going to have tea with them. And at the same time, it was natural to me that death was, paradoxically, part of life.

In general, I feel that my very religious ancestors were spiritually closer to their dead. Not only through the stories told about them that cropped up in everyday life, but also through dreams. The dead often appeared in them and that was usually interpreted in some way – e.g. that the deceased brother wanted to warn his sister about a dangerous trip, or that mummy (never mother or mum!) wanted to announce someone’s impending illness or the birth of a new family member. The shadows of deceased loved ones could appear behind the corner in the evening, and their photos would fall off the walls for a specific purpose. And there was nothing terrifying about it. On the contrary, the connection between the world of the living and the dead seemed quite obvious. All Souls’ Day was a symbol of this.

All Saints’ Day, Forefathers’ Eve, Halloween. What else?

This meeting of worlds is the theme of the fourth part of “Forefathers’ Eve”, in which Christian reason clashes with the folk vision of life after death. When you think about it, the combination or even meeting of these two worlds is the essence of the festivals of the dead celebrated in other countries and religions. You don’t have to look far – this is what Halloween, with its Celtic roots, is all about. Like its Slavic counterpart, i.e. Forefathers’ Eve, it is the moment when stray souls can return to earth. The Christian churches condemned both traditions, but in order not to leave the faithful with nothing, they introduced their own holiday. And so Catholics celebrate All Saints’ Day on November 1st and All Souls’ Day on November 2nd. In our country it has a unique status, in other Catholic countries it is generally much more modest. The exception (and what an exception it is) is of course Mexico. Its Día de los Muertos has grown to becoming a national symbol. Who wouldn’t recognise the colourful skulls, skeletons, home-made altars in honour of loved ones and orange flowers similar to marigolds, especially after the Oscar-winning animation “Coco”. The Mexicans have managed not to lose the old tradition of the indigenous peoples and have neatly combined it with a Christian celebration. It accommodates both the large fancy dress parades that attract tourists and very private customs. Because these altars are built in homes to invite the souls of deceased loved ones. So there are candles, flowers, photos, their favourite foods, but also alcohol or cigarettes. The search for a great-grandfather in the afterlife and settling some important matter with him is, by the way, the main motif of the film “Coco”. Mexico is also a place where you can fall in love with cemeteries. Nowhere in the world have I seen such brilliantly coloured graves, where each structure is a small work of art. Some look like miniature houses or even palaces, with gardens and their own menagerie. It all depends on who they were, what they did for a living, and what they liked.

There are countries, such as Ecuador, Guatemala, Russia or Georgia, where food and even alcohol is brought to cemeteries. And regular parties are held there. In Georgia, people build special wine tables next to graves. As you can imagine, these are not sombre gatherings, and this is how the deceased is remembered. Sometimes graves are not only eaten on but also... slept on. This is the case in the Philippines and Nicaragua, among others. Quite chilling.

The hardcore version of the Day of the Dead

Flowers and food are not the only recurring elements of the holiday that can be compared to our All Souls’. Light or fire is another common theme. Candles, lanterns – recently also battery or led ones – can be seen in cemeteries around the world. (Of course, not everywhere, because stones are placed on Jewish graves, i.e. matzevahs, for instance). In Japan, lanterns are placed in front of houses during the Bon Festival, which has been celebrated for over 500 years. They are meant to help find homes for the souls of the dead who return to Earth that day. Like the Mexicans, the Japanese prepare food and drink, which they place on altars in front of their homes. And they don’t grieve for the dead at all, they just have fun and dance at the city’s Bon-Odori Festivals. Apparently, the lanterns that land on rivers, lakes and the sea during the holiday are an unforgettable sight.

There are, of course, also less inviting traditions associated with commemorating the dead. I wouldn’t go to Magadascar to attend the Famadihana ceremony, i.e. the turning of the bones. According to an old custom, the bodies of deceased loved ones have to be dug up from the grave every 5 to 8 years to ensure prosperity and health. Such a body is then carried around the neighbourhood while celebrating, of course, and then wrapped in a new shroud and ceremoniously placed in the tomb. Disgusting? Maybe so. Unhygienic? Most definitely. For us, anyway. But in their culture, apparently not. Certainly, this tradition makes the worlds of the living and the dead intertwine. So that the memory of loved ones, quite literally, never dies.

Fortunately, we can achieve a similar goal without the ceremony of the turning of the bones or spending the night in a cemetery. I think as part of All Souls’ I will take out old photos and tell the kids about the people whose graves we will visit. I’ll try to dig up some cool stories from my memory. Then maybe we’ll bake a cheesecake using late Aunt Haneczka’s recipe, put it on a platter left by Aunt Pela, and try on a fur hat I got from Grandpa Heniu. Maybe we can talk about what happens to a person after death according to Buddhists, Muslims, Christians and Jews. And what happens to the animals – such as our dog Bryś, who just ended his long life. And we’ll probably watch “Coco” again, and a candle placed in a hollow pumpkin will flicker on our table.

Author: Karolina Oponowicz

Photo: pexels.com

The text was published on wysokie obcasy.pl on 30 October 2021